The Unfairness of Life

Up to now, I’m still trying to figure out why in my freakin' life, I’d never been given importance by people I give importance to. Back then, I would just think that it’s just my hormonal imbalance over acting on me. But little by little, in others’ simple ways, I see why people never really stay long with me. First, I’m boring, not really fun to be with. I can’t crack jokes. I can’t get jokes, even simple ones. I don’t have that thing which they call “sense of humor”, or even if I have, then it’s only my cousin who really gets it and actually laughs at it because she has Pentium one joke antenna too. Second, I’m not that popular. Third, I’m not somebody who people could actually brag about hanging out with. I’m just a normal lonely girl. I’m not someone people could be happy with. And that’s why they leave me. They could not stay long with me because if they do, they’ll be sick of boredom and eventually die of it. Nobody wants a boring friend. I don’t. Honestly, sometimes I don’t even like myself. I am trying soo hard just to fit in. Really trying my best to get along well with others and be someone they’ll want to be friends with. But at the end of the day, no matter how hard I try, I come back to being me. I hear this voice telling me that I should not really try to be someone I’m not just because I want to please people, or to make them like me. But still, I could not seem to not respond to this certain part of me that seeks for acceptance and friendship. I remember what Audrey Hepburn said: “I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.” Deep down, I know that I just have to be a part of a circle. A part of something. And to do that, I have to change myself first. Or do I? But people say that we should accept everybody even with their imperfections. I guess I am so imperfect that nobody wants to be with me. Why does everything has to be unfair. I do my part and yet, it seems unequal. Everything seems pointless. But then, I stand still. Just there doing my part and hoping that the same thing will happen to me.

State of the Union (Weekend)

OUT

Break ups

Midnight snacks

Sleepiness

Bad mood

Miscommunication

IN

Milk Tea

Movie Marathon

Tiffany Chocolate

Victory '11-'12 Reunion

Vikings

Will it be a remake?

I was taken aback by that simple question. But I answered that's it's okay with me if "that" happens anyway. But I wasn't really thinking during that time. If I was then I'd probably answered - or even shouted - NO! Of course not. If that happens, then I'd probably die (figuratively) in pain. I'd probably never ever ever talk again. And I'd probably rush the months just to end the school year. And the suffering. But then, I'd still have to face it. I'd still have to accept the fact that it would happen. I'd still have to keep in mind that I do not hold the decisions made by people and even when I do, I do not have the right to keep them from making those decisions. It hurts to think about it. Just picturing them together tears me apart. Yes. Not just my heart, but "me" apart. I guess I fell hard. Soo hard that I could not rise from the fall. That it may take me awhile to be able to stand and say "I'm freakin' okay". Right now, I'm trying to figure ways just to ease the future pain (if ever it comes). And I sure could think of a lot. But what I'm never sure of is if I'd be able to perform those with tears forcefully kept behind my eyes. I'm used to being in pain. But I'm not used to being in pain because of him.

Back to the Blogging World

This is like a dusty piece of a furniture. I wipe it clean and I could use it again. I just want to be back into the blogging world. But this time, not to share about knowledge on life, but just to share moi life and everything in between. 

Paradise. My escape from Reality.

 These pictures were taken from Seagull Mountain Resort at BuDa (Bukidnon and Davao Boundary)

Just because I'm a LAZY blogger :/

HERE are the things that I would have to write about in the next 30-days…

•Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself•Day 02- The meaning behind your Blogger name•Day 03- A picture of you and your friends•Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have•Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

•Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

•Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

•Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

•Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

•Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

•Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

•Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

•Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

•Day 14- A picture of you and your family

•Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

•Day 16- Another picture of yourself (baby pic!)

•Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

•Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

•Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

•Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

•Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

•Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

•Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

•Day 24- A letter to your parents

•Day 25- What I would find in your bag

•Day 26- What you think about your friends

•Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

•Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

•Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

•Day 30- Who are you?

*Just got this from other bloggers. This is a way to not be a lazy blogger. Hope I could post everyday. :))

Happy Happy Happy World Teachers' Day!

Four months na ko sa pagtuturo. Four months nang nagagalit. Four months nang nag-a-adjust sa atmosphere ng pagiging isang guro. Four months nang minamahal ang mga studyante ko at co-teachers. Four months ko na ring tinatanong sa sarili ko kung gusto ba talaga sa'ken ng advisory class ko. Kung mahal ba talaga nila ako tulad ng sinasabi nila. Sa loob ng four months na yun, wala namang sagot na dumating sa'ken, nung teachers' day lang nagkaron.

Narinig ko na hindi naman pala daw sine-celebrate ang teachers' day sa pinagtuturuan ko, kaya medyo nalungkot naman ako. Kasi excited pa naman ako. Ilang taon na rin akong naiinggit sa Mommy ko kasi alam ko na tuwing teachers' day, nararamdaman nya talaga na spesyal siya para sa mga bata. Kasi pag teachers' day andami nyang natatanggap. Hindi naman ako after sa kung matatanggap ko oh ano pa man. Gusto ko lang maranasan yung pakiramdam na itinuturing akong spesyal ng mga studyante ko.

Nung araw na yun, di na ko nag-expect ng kahit na ano. Parang normal na araw lang yun para sa'ken. Tsaka di ko rin naman naramdaman na may pinlano ang mga anak ko (ang advisory class ko) para sa'ken. Pagpasok ko ng unang klase ko, binigyan lang nila ko ng regalo at binati, walang thrill. Nung sa pangalawang klase ko naman, binlindfold nila ko tapos pagpasok ko ng classroom may happy teachers' day sila sa board para sa'ken. Natuwa naman ako. Pangatlong klase ko ang mga anak ko at lilipas ang maraming oras bago ko sila ma-meet. Kasabay ng paglipas ng oras, pinalipas ko na rin ang pag-asang may gagawin sila para sa'ken.

Nung time na ng klase ko, sinundo ako ng tatlong studyante ko sa faculty room. Isang bagay na natural naman nilang gawin. Kinulit kulit muna nila ko bago kami lumabas. Nung naglakad na kami biglang sinabihan ako ng isa kong anak na may matatapakan daw akong dumi kaya umiwas daw ako. Pagtingin ko sa sahig, may green post-it dun. Sinundan ko ng tingin yung hagdan, andaming green post-its. May mga nakasulat na happy teachers' day, we love you Ms.Quijano, sorry, may mga naka-drawing na heart. Natuwa ako kasi naisip ko kahit papano naalala naman pala nila ako. Pagdating namin sa taas, hinarang na nila ko dun. Inaliw nila ko. Kung ano-anong pinaggagawa nila para maaliw ako. Sa ibang usapan, ayaw lang nila kong papasukin ng classroom dahil may ginagawa na sila. Dun ko yun simulang naramdaman. Pero kung anong ginagawa nila, wala akong ideya.

Nung ready na, kailangan daw i-blindfold. Game naman ako dahil nga I love surprises. Pagpasok namin ng classroom, pinaupo muna nila ko tsaka nila tinanggal yung blindfold ko. At ayun! Ang mga bagay na nakita ko - isang bouquet (na first time kong makatanggap), isang malaking malaking card, yung board namin na may nakasulat na happy happy happy teachers' day, at may mga nakadikit na maraming maraming sulat galing sa kanila. Sa puntong yun, di ko alam kung maiiyak ba ko o matutuwa ako o ano. Sobrang saya ko. Parang naabot ko ang Nirvana! Pero di lang dun nagtatapos ang sorpresa ng mga anak ko. Pinapunta nila ko sa gym para aliwin ulit (dahil may pinaplano na naman sila sa loob ng room). Pagpasok ko, sabi nila may sorpresa pa daw sila sa'ken at nandun yun sa utility cabinet namin. Pagbukas ng utility cabinet namin, andun si Sho Chiba. Sino sya? Isa sa mga campus crushes. Isa sa mga third year students. Isa sa mga crush ng iba kong mga studyante. Isa sa dahilan kung bakit ako napakanta sa harap ng maraming tao. At isa sa mga - siguro - masasabi kong close na studyante sa'ken. Di ko naman inasahan na sya pala yung nandun at binati ako ng teachers' day. Parang nung nakalipas na oras lang kasi eh nag-sub ako sa klase nila. Natawa lang ako dun. Nag-effort pa kasi syang pumasok sa utility cabinet kahit alam naman nyang madumi yun. Di ko naman pinagtagal si Sho kasi baka may klase pala sya kaya pinaalis ko rin agad. Binasa ko nalang muna yung mga sulat na nakadikit sa board namin dahil halata namang ayaw mag-klase ng mga magagaling kong mga anak. Makalipas ang ilang sandali, nagulat ako nang bigla silang magtilian. Akala ko bumalik pala si Sho. Hindi pala. Dumating pala si Bryan. Sino sya? Ang pinaka-crush lang naman ng buong school. Ang pinaka-popular na tao sa buong SMA. Ang partner ko nung Campus Pop. Binati nya lang din ako. Nagpa-picture. Tapos umalis na kasi may klase rin naman sya. Maya-maya nagtitilian na naman sila. Kasi dumating si Zafra. Sino sya? Isa rin sya sa campus crushes at isa sya sa mga paborito kong tao sa SMA. Tulad ni Sho at Bryan, binati nya lang din ako at inabutan ng bulaklak. Nagpa-picture (sana hindi nila zinoom). At umalis na agad tutal wala naman syang gagawin pa sa classroom namin dahil di kami magkakilala. Maya-maya may dinala na naman sila. Si Aaron. Sino sya? Studyante ko rin sya sa kabilang section. At sinasabihan ko kasing sya na ang pinaka-poging tao sa room nila. Ganun lang din ang ginawa nya. Sinunod nila si Baugbog. Yung studyante ni Ate Kule pero di ko studyante. Di ko kilala yun at feel lang nilang tawagin. Sinunod nila si Vince na anak ni Ms. Yhel na co-teacher at isa sa mga bestfriend ko sa faculty room. Magkakilala kami ni Vince kaya medyo tumagal sya sa room. Isang bagay na gustong gusto naman ng mga anak ko. Matapos kong chika-hin si Vince umalis na rin sya kasi may klase rin sya. Andaming dinala sa'ken ng mga anak ko. Lahat yun sila lang ata ang natuwa. Mapamaraan kasi sila. Haha. Pero natuwa na rin naman ako kahit papano. Maganda naman ang ginawa nila para sa'ken. 

Hiningan ako ng speech ng mga anak ko. Syempre, pinagbigyan ko sila kahit na di naman ako prepared. Sa dami nilang ginawa para sa'ken aayaw pa ba naman ako. Sinabi ko lahat ng gusto ko sabihin. (Sila nalang ang nakakaalam kung ano-ano yun.) Naiyak sila. At kasabay ng pag-iayak nila, natapos na rin ang oras namin. May susunod pa kong klase kaya kailangan ko nang umalis. Nagpasalamat ako sa mga anak ko at sinabi kong mahal na mahal ko sila. 

Ang sabi sa'ken ni Jeje (co-teacher ko) nung kinwento ko sa kanya, sentimental daw akong tao. Sentimental talaga akong tao. Tulad ng araw na yun, hinding hindi ko makakalimutan yun. Nakatatak na yun sa puso ko. Isa yun sa mga ala-alang babalik-balikan ko kapag nagkahiwa-hiwalay na kami ng mga anak ko. Six months nalang. Six months pa. Six months para dagdagan pa namin lahat ng ala-ala namin kasama ang isa't isa. Pero itong teachers' day na 'to ang aking First Teachers' Day. First time na makatanggap ako ng bouquet at big card. First time ko - sa buong pagtuturo ko -  na maramdaman kung gaano ako ka-spesyal sa mga anak ko. <3 :))