I used to look at him in the past. With awe. With doubts. With love he didn’t knew and won’t know. Now I look at him from here. With pain. With tears from my eyes. With hate for what I am.
When I think of those times I was with him, I cry. It’s just too sad that when I got close to him, I was the one who had to turn back.
It was a day when the rain was so hard. I bumped him in the hall. I could not speak then. I just stood there and looked at him. He smiled at me. And I smiled back. Then he asked if we could hang out. And I said yes. Things went so fast. We spent time with each other a lot. It was real. Me and him. But I could not tell him how I felt for him. I was too scared. I thought that it would pain my mom to hear that I broke my pledge to not love a guy. And the day came that I knew he won’t know how much I love him.
It was a day when the rain was so hard. Like the time we met. My aunt came to our house. I came home with him. My aunt saw him and starts to talk in the cant that our clan only knew. I told him to go home and that we’ll just hang out the next day. That night I asked my dad why me. Of all the ones there is, why me. I’m not well trained, I’m not good, yet they would take me. My dad just kissed me in the cheek and tears fell down his eyes. He said that I would be pleased there. That I would be with my mom. Then we slept.
I have not thought that they would take me soon. The next day, my aunt came with my mom. They brought me a black dress, a pair of black boots, a black hat, and my own broom. My mom has changed. And I know that I would too, once I take the vow that I am one of them. One who knows the black art. Up to now I still couldn’t say out loud what we are. I asked my mom if I could still see him. But she said no. She said that if he learns what I am, he would tell. And they would kill him. So I didn’t force what I want. I went with them hushed.
My dad said that I would be pleased here. But he’s wrong. It’s too sad. My life is too sad. I couldn’t see my dad, and him. I was banned to fly out of the wall that links my world and his. I am in pain that I could not be with the ones I love.
Now I look at him from here. I used to do this a lot. I was only banned to go there, but not to look at him from here. He’s at our house; just like what he does all the time since the day I left. It hurts me when I saw how he looked like when my dad told him that I was gone for good. That I would not go back. He fought tears. I’m sure that he did. Cause when he turned his back I saw him wiped his eyes. Right then when I saw him cry, I must have gone out of the wall and on my way to him on my broom. It was too fast. The next thing I knew he laid there on the ground. Life left him. And when I looked up, I saw my mom with rage in her eyes, and my aunt with a smile that I would hate all my life.
I hate what I am. For my clan's laws. For the pains it caused me. When I was born. When they took me from dad. When they didn’t give me the chance to live my life. When they ended his life for good. When they didn’t give me the chance to love. Up to now I still could not make out the word of what I am. And I guess I won’t ever will.
Now ends my pain. It is time that I pass the pain to them. I fly out of the wall. And let the earth see what I am.
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