The Unfairness of Life

Up to now, I’m still trying to figure out why in my freakin' life, I’d never been given importance by people I give importance to. Back then, I would just think that it’s just my hormonal imbalance over acting on me. But little by little, in others’ simple ways, I see why people never really stay long with me. First, I’m boring, not really fun to be with. I can’t crack jokes. I can’t get jokes, even simple ones. I don’t have that thing which they call “sense of humor”, or even if I have, then it’s only my cousin who really gets it and actually laughs at it because she has Pentium one joke antenna too. Second, I’m not that popular. Third, I’m not somebody who people could actually brag about hanging out with. I’m just a normal lonely girl. I’m not someone people could be happy with. And that’s why they leave me. They could not stay long with me because if they do, they’ll be sick of boredom and eventually die of it. Nobody wants a boring friend. I don’t. Honestly, sometimes I don’t even like myself. I am trying soo hard just to fit in. Really trying my best to get along well with others and be someone they’ll want to be friends with. But at the end of the day, no matter how hard I try, I come back to being me. I hear this voice telling me that I should not really try to be someone I’m not just because I want to please people, or to make them like me. But still, I could not seem to not respond to this certain part of me that seeks for acceptance and friendship. I remember what Audrey Hepburn said: “I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.” Deep down, I know that I just have to be a part of a circle. A part of something. And to do that, I have to change myself first. Or do I? But people say that we should accept everybody even with their imperfections. I guess I am so imperfect that nobody wants to be with me. Why does everything has to be unfair. I do my part and yet, it seems unequal. Everything seems pointless. But then, I stand still. Just there doing my part and hoping that the same thing will happen to me.